Ash Wednesday Meditation Desert diary from Wednesday, February 25, 2004 Ash Wednesday reminds me that my entire life is a house of cards mysteriously standing up. I think my Ace of Spades and my Queen of Hearts will sustain me until the slightest movement comes and the whole thing teeters on destruction. My life is not my own it is God’s and he alone keeps the house up. It isn’t my concentration, my gifts, or devotion-it is His grace alone. I shave my head and face as a sign of humility and acknowledgement that my life is not mine, but the Lord’s. The shaved head is radical since I have been growing my hair out for a year. The inspiration for this expression came to me a few years ago when I read Henri Nouwen’s meditation on the Return of the Prodigal, a Rembrant painting which pictures the returning son’s head shaved. It is a sign of hope of being born again anew as newborns have little hair. It is a sign of denial of my own individualism since soldiers’ heads are shaved when they become a part of a unit and no longer live unto themselves alone. It is a sign of bond-slavery since prisoners are shaved as a sign of their captivity. We also spent this Ash Wednesday viewing The Passion. I, like millions of people, was profoundly wounded and love-struck at seeing a realistic depiction of my Lord’s suffering and death. Perhaps this film will accomplish for millions in a couple of hours what took years for the mystics of old to gain—a vision of Jesus’ passion. Of course, we must cultivate it by contemplation, transformation, and response. Some write this off by saying, “it’s only a Hollywood movie.” Nevertheless, if the Holy Spirit wishes to use a film (a seemingly “shallow” thing) to open up deeper wells of love, forgiveness, and compassion in me—so be it. All my life I have practiced devotions such as the Stations of the Cross and the Seven Last Words. This year will be significantly different. I now more than ever desire to be burned with a vision of the Lord’s passion and resurrection. I desire for the Lord (in the prayer of St. Ignatius), “to hide me in His wounds forever.” I yearn to accompany Mary and John in spirit and stand at the foot of the cross embracing our Lord’s beautiful feet. I pray I can rush with Magdalene to the Lord’s resurrected feet and worship Him with tears of overwhelming joy. Brother David